V-day

Well, another Valentines day has come and gone and many of us are even glad that is finally over. Some of us never really gave it a second thought while others were fretting over every detail of the occasion. It is hard for some people to accept the holiday as a happy occasion. For them, they would rather not be reminded of how alone they are. My heart goes out to them and wish them future happiness with a possible soul mate. Also, I would like to impart some wisdom for these special individuals so that they will have better luck with their love lives in the future.

C-3po (from Star Wars)

Wow, you need a lot of help here. First of all, you need to lose that creepy stare. This doesn't help you when you arrive at the door to pick up your date. Loose the accent while you're at it. You're not using the correct British accent that melts a woman's heart. Also a big turn off is the wussy tone you use when the slightest bit of danger comes your way. Take a page out of Han Solo's book because he obviously knows what he's doing.


Ludo (from Labyrinth)

Okay, women appreciate a nice guy to a certain extent, but common Ludo who are you kidding? Also, you  might want to expand your social horizons and not just talk to rocks. Women also enjoy a good conversation. Saying "friend?" all the time doesn't get you past the first date as far as I remember. Also, just forgo any compliment concerning how she smells unless you are into women hitting you.

Muno (from Yo Gabba Gabba)

Muno, you got an uphill battle of the bulge here, pal. Not too many women are into the whole one-eyed, oh never mind. You might want to lay off shaving your whole body, seriously. Streaking might be your favorite past time, but not everyone appreciates it. It may very well land you in jail. Also, the obvious huge gap in your mouth might lead them to think you have a nasty case of halitosis from the dereliction of the simple duty to brush your teeth. The only redeeming characteristic you have is that you could tell them you're a new-age vampire to suck their love. On second thought, scratch that.




Spaghetti Cat (from The Soup)

I think you have something here. Women like cats, at least, most of them I think. One problem here is that you stare into space as if your regular cat brain was removed and replaced with a mentally retarded cat brain. Last time I checked, women want men who are slightly smarter than them. Oh, wait, you're not man. You're a cat! What am I talking about?




Masturbating Bear (From Conan O'brien)
All I have to say is that you need more hobbies. Go pick up hang gliding or learn how to juggle. Something.












Doug (No actual photo available)

First of all. You just need to make an attempt. You need some form of motivation. Something! Combine your love of sports with a woman. It's one of the oldest inventions known to man as far back as the invention of the wheel. It's called dating or mating I forget which. As far as I know, women also enjoy sports. On second thought, as they say, don't mix business (women) with pleasure (sports). Yeah, maybe you should stick to going to sporting events by yourself. I give up.