Doug

Ok, there's this guy I know named Doug. Well, to be honest I know more than one Doug, but this particular Doug is fun to talk about. This particular Doug is one I used to work with a long time ago. About ten years ago, I used to work for this medical supply company where this particular Doug, now to this day, works. When I started working there he had been there already, I think, 8 years give or take, but nevertheless a long time. He still works there.... Not that it's a crumby job, it's just that, well.... I don't know how to explain it really. He strikes me as some sort of enigma. Not the normal type guy one really expects. No, he's not gay, but... well, I don't know what to describe him as really. He's just a nice guy. I like Doug as a friend in general. I have nothing negative to say about him what so ever. Like I said, he's a tough guy to figure out. He's just there to fill some void in the world that god had no idea what to do with. "umm, here's an empty spot, well..., I dunno. Oh, I'll just throw Doug there, that should take care of it.... done". 

A little background on Doug. Doug likes sports...a lot.... I think that's it. Moving on now. 

You're probably thinking to yourself. Why the hell are you talking about this guy. He sounds boring. He actually does sound like a normal guy. Hey, you're writing about a guy who sounds normal. I should be thinking that you're weird for writing about this guy in this first place. OK, you got me. I guess I'm a weirdo too, but at least I'm married, so there. Which brings me to the next topic.

A little more background on Doug. Doug dislikes dating...a lot.... If Doug were superman, girls would be his kryptonite. Let me reiterate that he's not gay. I think you can put the two together. Now you're saying to yourself.... wha?? Yeah, me too. It does not compute. What gets me is that he seems as content as can be about all these circumstances. 

So, you're thinking, OK, he's obviously single. He has a job that is relatively easy and doesn't require excessive hours. This includes him sitting by himself the better part of the day in his own vehicle doing his normal thing delivering various medical items among other duties. If you think about it, he has a low stress type lifestyle, really. So, what is it that drives him? That is what, after all these years, I have not figured out. Now the normal person perhaps would question himself as why he or she does what they do, but apparently not Doug. He appears not to care, yet be so content with himself.

In some strange way, I envy Doug of the fact he doesn't seem to give a damn about what people think of him. He's his own man; not bending to the will of the masses. He's a man every man should admire to some extent. Maybe we could learn a thing or two about him and summarily apply that knowledge to be better people. So, therefore, go be more passionate about sports and avoid dating as if it were the plague and you'll come to find out... uh, well... maybe that'd be a bad idea.... sayonara human race. 

Jimmer

Just recently I hired a chauffeur to take me to my place of employ. His pay is zero dollars per hour. This is great except I chauffeur my chauffeur the other half of the time. The bad thing is, my chauffeur has a unbecoming habit of always forgetting to pay me. So in other words, I work for this loser for free. I guess it all equals out since he also works for me for free anyway.

This chauffeur, we'll call him Steve, has his car radio tuned to some AM sports talk radio station all the time while riding in his car. As of late, there has been a lot of buzz over this BYU ball player named Jimmer Fredette. As everyone knows, he's become quite the darling in the world of sports. I even hear that people, namely women, want to name their children after this athlete. Now, I have nothing against this Jimmer guy in any way. He's seems like a guy I would want to play a casual pick up game with. OK, maybe that'd be a stupid idea. "Hey, Jimmer come kick my ass in B-ball. I need to be Jimmered". Jimmered?

Here's my definition of what the word jimmer has now come to mean so far as I have interpreted it based on the news attained while listening to Steve's radio:

Jimmer

[Jim-er]

verb, 

–verb

1. to beat another team senselessly

2. to be beaten by someone who is clearly more skilled than yourself

3. to gloat over after winning

4. to score an outrageous amount of points in a game

5. to be superior to

6. to be scammed by someone
7. used as a curse word

-Related forms

jim·mer·ly, adverb

jim·mer·ness, jim·mer·os·i·ty, noun

non·jim·mer·os·i·ty, noun

non·jim·mer·ous, adjective

non·jim·mer·ous·ly, adverb

non·jim·mer·ous·ness, noun

o·ver·jim·mer·ous, adjective

o·ver·jim·mer·ous·ly, adverb

o·ver·jim·mer·ous·ness, noun

qua·si-jim·mer·ous, adjective

qua·si-jim·mer·ous·ly, adverb

This word might show some potential. I suppose, if you want to impress those around you, just insert the word jimmer into any conversation and you'll be sure to get the respect and admiration you've ever desired. For example, just say, "Hey, those Jazz quasi-jimmerously defeated those Spurs tonight. Whatta game huh?", or, "I didn't play very well tonight. My performance was just so nonjimmerous, ya know?", or "Dammit, I got jimmered again. That's just my luck". 

So, what if jimmer becomes an actual word in the dictionary? What then? How about those people who end up giving their kids the name Jimmer. What's in store for them? What if the word becomes commonly used like, for example, bacon? Worse yet, it could possibly evolve into a curse word. I could only imagine what strange sounding sentences could possibly have the word jimmer in it. ''What the jimmer, you still owe me ten bucks", or "You're such a jimmerhole, Jimmer", or "There's so much jimmer I have to do before 5 o'clock, what a headache".

For me, perhaps the word jimmer will only just be one of those fad words some crazed fans made up that'll slowly die off as it loses it's catchy flare. I only hope it'll be bandied about for only a modicum of time before the next fun word of the day comes along. I have a sinking feeling that it's here to stay at least in the sporting world or sports commentary when Jimmer plays a game. For the time being, I guess it looks like we all will have to settle for being jimmered.

Snowboarding

Last weekend Nate, John, Clint and I went snowboarding and it was really fun for everyone. We went to Brighton for night boarding. It was the very first time for Nate ever. John has gone skiing before but never has been snowboarding so he had a leg up on Nate at least for getting onto lifts and general know how of what is going on the slopes. Clint had been a couple times before which meant he was king of the newbies relatively speaking. 

We started out on the bunny hill which was fine for a few times to get coordinated back into snowboarding. For my friends it was plenty for them. Clint mentioned he had no idea the bunny hill even existed and proceeded to the regular or what we aptly named the Big Boy Slopes. I believe Clint didn't want to tell anyone about ever going on a so called bunny hill before and therefore pretended that he had no prior knowledge of it. Lier! Only kidding Clint. 

I guess another name for the bunny hill is the kiddie slopes. For some reason, it didn't feel like a kiddie slope to me. There was a lot of swearing going. I even heard one of those rascals drop the F-bomb. I didn't realize those kids had such potty mouths. What does that say about today's parents. They should rename that slope to a more suitable name to let people know what's a family friendly hill and what's not.

As for Nate, It looked like he was doing well for his first time ever. Although, I wonder, maybe he was possibly bored with or even frustrated with snowboarding. Maybe he was thinking it would be more like the Nintendo snowboarding game SSX. He probably thought he could do ridiculous snowboard moves that defy the very laws of physics. While on the lift I noticed that his eyes were closed. He couldn't have been sleeping. I guess he was fantasizing about doing a 100ft jump over a lodge while doing 5 back flips, some 1080s and landing onto the lift cables and then grinding ever so gracefully all the way down. 

Oh, and John did well at snowboarding too. I almost forgot to mention him. Perhaps if he had quality bindings for his board, he would've done that much better. Most people think that the board makes all the difference, but no, it's the bindings. The board and even your boots could be utter garbage, but if you have top of the line quality bindings nothing will ever, ever get in your way.

As with anything you do in life, you must practice in order to get better with whatever it is you're doing. As far as snowboarding goes, we all have weaknesses. Even the best snowboarders have some thing that always gets the best of the them. Clint, no thanks to that stupid bunny hill on his first few snowboard outings, can only turn in one direction. He'll learn much faster next time on the Big Boy Hill. John, needs to learn how to turn, period. He's just not satisfied with being one with the trees. Binders that are good would help in this area. Nate, you're far from doing 1080s off a 50ft cliff, but thats OK neither am I. Maybe someday SSX will be a reality for you.

And then there was Doug... who was not with us. You see, Doug, well he joined a cult several years ago. I think the name of the cult was Heaven's Colosseum. I guess he's considered a colosseumnist or something. We don't see him often due to the rigors of being a member of it. What's sad is that it consumes a lot of his time and money. Maybe one day we could all come together for strength and organize an intervention for him. Poor Doug.

Wii wike Wii

I'm in no way in denial of the fact that the Wii is a fun and innovative console. It's just that... well, I feel like a little kid while playing it. Scratch that, I feel like a damn baby. Goo-goo ga-ga is one of the impulse feelings that somehow I can't prevent from raging through my body when I play it. Well that's mostly for the Mario-centric theme titles out there as far as I've notice. Maybe the whole console is laden with these babyish type games. Something just doesn't feel right when I play a game that seems to be geared towards the 5 years and younger crowd. I'd like to understand the psyche of those who thoroughly enjoy the Wii and its games.

How about those old folks who play the Wii in the nursing homes? Do they feel like babies while playing it? I imagine it would be like the mental fountain of youth for them. OK, maybe that's a stretch, but perhaps the government could conduct a thorough research on the Wii and the cognitive effects it has on the elderly. They could spend millions on it and tell everyone what we already knew about it - that Grandpa is still senile and doesn't realize he's playing a game meant for babies.

Ok maybe it's not for babies. Babies don't have the dexterity for any game for that matter not even the Wii. Perhaps it was meant for those who feel they should be like babies, like those who go to raves. They all must have must Wiis for sure. Or, maybe they don't. That's probably why they feel they need pacifiers in their mouths. News flash to rave people, you can don a diaper and suck a pacifier in the comfort of your own homes while playing the Wii. I highly recommend the Mario Party for you guys by the way.

Maybe life will play a cruel joke on me and I'll be that old senile guy in the nursing home wearing a diaper and playing whatever generation of the Wii that is available. I seriously hope not....

Intro

Hey there. I'm introducing this ridiculous blog into the wild for the first time. It needs to grow some wings and fly or at least have a couple of followers. I don't where I can tie "the wild" in with "wings and fly", but here goes. Am I saying this a stupid, inexperienced chickling on some pillar in a nest with other chicklings competing for worms from momma bird that you see in cartoons? Yes. In no way is this blog meant to be taken seriously. Like a clown in a clown show this blog is meant to be laughed at even at times admired, but mostly laughed at. Ok, maybe I'm going to far. This blog will replace every blog out there and thensome. Well, maybe it'll beat out your grandma's blog if it's lucky.